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Comming out

So, I wrote a letter to my close family, but not sent it yet. I waited so long, but now feels like the right time to do it. I still let the letter wait a bit, maybe there's stuff I want to add (or to erase), but will send it next week.

They know it, more or less, but they never took it seriously. Or they tried to explain to me that actually it is not so, I am not so, that I am only a bit confused, but when I will have reached a certain aged or met the right, err, man... Or they tried to find explanations that, once found, would have cleared things for me and I would have became "normal" again.

Truth is that now it is very difficult for me to talk with them, because of the pronouns and names and such stuff. It is difficult to me to even go there, when I know how I would be addressed to and talked to. I would have been able to deal with it, but the stress would have been too much, and I would have felt again so sick inside.

Last week we went to an organisation here, and we got some counceling and the woman who provided the counceling sent me names and addresses. She also told me the steps I can/should take. It's a long journey awaiting in front of me, but I am excited about it. For once in a very long time, I feel like I'm on the right track. I do get very stressed when I am open about my condition, but I will be fine. When we went there, after the first minutes of conversation my head started spinning. My wife ended up asking the questions. She is very supportive and by my side every time.

Then, yesterday, while writing the letter. In the beginning I was sort of shaking, and very nervous, feeling this hole in my chest and me about to fall in it, but as I was typing it all started coming out, words lining themselves very coherently and nice one after the other. The letter sounds a bit stiff and official, in my opinion, but it's a first step, and it is intended like an "official announcement".

What do I expect once they've received the letter? To use the right name and pronouns and addressing formulas. That's all. I know by now who will accept it in a blink of an eye and who will have problems with it. I just hope the situation won't develop that I would have to cut connections with certain people, if they refuse to accept me for what and how I am and to respect my wishes.

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teufel1
herrteufel
Herr Selbstzerstörer

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