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Hab' es geschickt

So, I sent today "the letter". Was planning to send on 26th, but my sister's b-day was on 28th, and I wanted to call her, but not to have my letter the topic of our discussion. So, yeah, I'm using my patience reserves and waiting for reactions. :D

Comming out

So, I wrote a letter to my close family, but not sent it yet. I waited so long, but now feels like the right time to do it. I still let the letter wait a bit, maybe there's stuff I want to add (or to erase), but will send it next week.

They know it, more or less, but they never took it seriously. Or they tried to explain to me that actually it is not so, I am not so, that I am only a bit confused, but when I will have reached a certain aged or met the right, err, man... Or they tried to find explanations that, once found, would have cleared things for me and I would have became "normal" again.

Truth is that now it is very difficult for me to talk with them, because of the pronouns and names and such stuff. It is difficult to me to even go there, when I know how I would be addressed to and talked to. I would have been able to deal with it, but the stress would have been too much, and I would have felt again so sick inside.

Last week we went to an organisation here, and we got some counceling and the woman who provided the counceling sent me names and addresses. She also told me the steps I can/should take. It's a long journey awaiting in front of me, but I am excited about it. For once in a very long time, I feel like I'm on the right track. I do get very stressed when I am open about my condition, but I will be fine. When we went there, after the first minutes of conversation my head started spinning. My wife ended up asking the questions. She is very supportive and by my side every time.

Then, yesterday, while writing the letter. In the beginning I was sort of shaking, and very nervous, feeling this hole in my chest and me about to fall in it, but as I was typing it all started coming out, words lining themselves very coherently and nice one after the other. The letter sounds a bit stiff and official, in my opinion, but it's a first step, and it is intended like an "official announcement".

What do I expect once they've received the letter? To use the right name and pronouns and addressing formulas. That's all. I know by now who will accept it in a blink of an eye and who will have problems with it. I just hope the situation won't develop that I would have to cut connections with certain people, if they refuse to accept me for what and how I am and to respect my wishes.


Very generous, fruitful, people feel reassured around you, and willing to give their best.

Colors: male: yellow, female: orange
Compatible Signs:
The Nile, Horus
Jan 8 - Jan 21, Feb 1 - Feb 11

Role: A god of the creation of the earth; the patron god of Thebes; and the king of all the gods of Egypt
Form of a man, wearing crown with the sun disc and double feather plumes. Sometimes shown with blue skin.
Sacred animals:
ram, goose

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries


I am in mood for ranting

I haven't make any posts about me being trans. Actually, until recently I wasn't even thinking of it too intensely. It was like I knew I am what I am, but there's nothing I can do about it, so I went to some sort of truce with it. I wasn't thinking of it or even discuss it, because it was painful for me. But I continued to dress and act the way I feel I am, and that was it. I was trying to hide, but not struggling to pass either. I was at peace with it, somehow, even if in the background it was there, painful, like an animal lurking to grab its pray and destroy it.

I looked up the net a bit about it, but even that was painful, so I preferred to stay in some sort of "comfort" zone where no one thought or talked about it. And, of course, alone. In all my relationships, longer or shorter, I felt alone. Because I knew how no one would understand. How painful it would be to me to see someone that I cared of, in one way or another, proving to be an intolerant idiot.

but recently I went back on the net about itCollapse )


Stimmung: nervös.